I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
