did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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