This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
