you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
