im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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