I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
drinking out of a sandbucket again
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
