Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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