So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
