morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
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