break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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