My first STD was from a foam party
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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