We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
