Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
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