When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
