barbara walters just said penis...
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
two words: eviction party
it's like iHOP with fire
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize