Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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