I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
