If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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