Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize