Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
