I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
