Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
