Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
