Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
