never play flip cup with pint glasses
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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