when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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