If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
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