found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
