no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
