He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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