I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
