i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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