i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
