meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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