Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
