saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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