He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
