I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
