My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize