Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
