please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
