Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
