I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
