first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
