brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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