Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
