How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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