He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
