Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize