I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
