wrigley field is MILF paradise
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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