The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
