we're blogging at a bar
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
