I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
