found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
