this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
