Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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