why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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