You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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