Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
