We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
