I faked an abortion last night.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
