Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
