He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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