just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I cut my penus on the lid.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
