my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
