i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
even my farts smell like vagina
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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