either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
well I can't set my house on fire every night
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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