I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize