you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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