make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
