The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
