please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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